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Content Copyright "Cool Stuff" Media, Inc. 2008
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This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it Not Your Standard Life
From the outside, it looked like any other roadside café in the middle of a barren desert. From the inside, it looked like nothing I could ever imagine!
When I walked in the front door of this diner, my jaw dropped to the floor. The room was jam-packed with 1950s antiques, gadgets, and toys—every piece of 50s memorabilia ever produced was in that room! Every corner, every shelf, every spot on the wall was adorned with some form of antique.
Despite the clutter, one thing really grabbed my attention. It was a yellow plastic sign that hung over the grill. It read, “If we don’t meet your standards, feel free to lower yours.”
The sign reminded me of how skeptical I was about the meal I just ordered, but I also couldn’t help but see some truth in the statement. The sign made me think about how many of us do just that: Gradually lower our standards as we live our lives. If we don’t meet our initial expectations or achieve a specific goal, we often just adjust our goals around the result—but this is very dangerous territory! When times get tough, it’s often much easier to lower our standards to avoid becoming disappointed than it is to remain committed to a result that tests our dedication, determination, and strength of will.
The problem is, the moment we lower our standards, we instantly curtail our potential, lower the level of happiness we can experience, and cheat the rest of the world of the many gifts we’ve been given. Life then, gradually seems to lose the same sense of luster and satisfaction it once had. In essence, our daily life becomes something similar to a job—it feels like something we “have” to do, rather than something we “get” to do. And because this process often takes place gradually, we’re not always immediately aware of the consequences. This happens just like the age-old metaphor of boiling a frog. If you drop the frog in hot water, he will instantly jump out. However, if you put the frog in warm water and slowly bring it to a boil, he won’t recognize the changes in temperature and sure enough by the time the water boils, he dies.
Many of us gradually lower our standards and expectations and don’t immediately notice the effects until we finally reach our ‘own boiling’ point and say, “This is it! No more! I will not live another day or another moment like this! I must change things and they must change now!” At this point, either our frustration brings us to action or life forces us to change. Either way, it’s not a pleasant experience.
It may seem like our frustration and dissatisfaction implodes at once, but this is never the case. The build up came from letting the little things—should we say, ‘the details of life’—consistently slip by us; instances where we said, “Well, it’s not great, but its good enough.” Or times we failed to live up to our word, did not respect our body, did not show others we care about them, or allowed our commitment to wear thin. Those are the ongoing instances that ultimately create our present state of reality—this does not happen overnight. In fact, I’ll be so bold to say that our life is nothing more than a reflection of the standards we have set for ourselves.
So, what exactly is a “standard?” Simply put, it’s a measure of achievement we must attain to allow ourselves to feel like we did our best. You see, what we’re willing to settle for is often going to be the extent to which we achieve. You might want to read that last sentence again—yes, it’s that important. In other words, it’s rare to achieve more than we set out to do or get results beyond our expectations, or in this case, our personal standards.
It doesn’t take a scientist or a psychologist to understand why some people seem to consistently enjoy success while others fall under the category of “average” or “lazy.” In fact, I don’t believe that laziness is a genetic trait at all. It’s a conscious choice that has to do with the very topic we are discussing: personal standards. The difference between those who go the extra mile and those who opt for the “easy way out” comes down to one simple concept: What result is “acceptable” to that individual. It’s that simple. Let me make one thing clear here though; the result may not be preferable to the individual, but it is still tolerable. For that reason, many people take the path of least resistance and settle for the first result they approve as “good enough.”
I’ll share a personal example. In my early teen years, I drifted through school and did not see many A’s on my report card. Was it because I was not talented enough? I thought that was the case—and so did many of my teachers. But fortunately, one teacher challenged me. He asked me why I was settling for B’s and C’s when I could be getting A’s if I tried a little harder. I didn’t know how to respond.
Over the next few months, he began to expect better and better test scores from me. As my grades began to improve, I noticed an interesting thing happen. Suddenly, getting anything less than A was no longer acceptable and consequently, my priorities began to change. Studying and doing my homework became a “must” instead of a “should.” I found myself making time for what was really important to me. From that point on, I could not tolerate anything less than my best—and I can’t begin to explain how that single philosophy has changed my life.
Did my ability change through this process? No. That had always been there; I simply demanded more from myself than ever before. As I look back now, I realized that I expected to get average grades and that’s exactly what I received. And because my average grades were “acceptable” to me, nothing changed.
Okay, let me describe this in a different way. Here’s how it works: We won’t have great grades when not doing our homework is acceptable. We won’t have an excellent job when a good one is acceptable. We won’t be in peak physical condition when eating junk food and not working out is acceptable. We won’t be a starting player on the team when being late to practice and giving a half effort is acceptable. Do you see the trend here? Then allow me to repeat myself:
What we’re willing to settle for is often going to be the extent to which we achieve.
Our ability does not determine our success in life; our drive and commitment does. And both stem from our own personal standards. It may sound like an oversimplification, but the standards we set for ourselves have a lot to do with what we’re willing to try and what we’re willing to endure to get a specific result. As you can see, this clearly influences the daily decisions that both direct and shape our life.
Of all of the successful individuals I have been fortunate enough to interview, I continue to see a common personal philosophy that they all undeniably share. They demand more from themselves than anyone else would expect. It’s actually not a complex concept, but it does take discipline. As a result of this philosophy, these successful individuals don’t require external circumstances to be “just right” to take action. They get started because they refuse to let life pass them by. They don’t require other people to pat them on the back and keep them motivated. They have an intrinsic drive to give their best all of the time simply because they pride themselves on delivering a 100% effort. If there is one line that I hear most often in my interviews with extraordinary individuals, it’s this: “I was not born with any extraordinary abilities; I simply was not willing to accept anything less than my best—and that has made all the difference.”
So what’s the quickest way to raise your standards? Change your priorities. Become aware of the activities that you often view as “should’s” and make them “must’s.” For instance, “I should exercise everyday” would become “I must exercise everyday.” Or, “I should do my homework” becomes “I must do my homework.” Or, “I should be on time more often” becomes “I must be on time everyday.” When we make things a “must” we will find a way to make them happen.
Here are five questions worth considering:
- What do I stand for?
- What do I view as acceptable?
- What does the statement “good enough” mean to me?
- What do I view as intolerable?
- What will I no longer accept in my life?
I know I won’t be the first to tell you this: The quality of your life lies in YOUR hands. If you don’t take responsibility for yourself and your life no one else will. It doesn’t matter what other people are doing around you. The question is, what are YOU doing? Only you will truly know if you are living up to all that is in you—and nobody else can make you work harder or smarter. It’s personal choice—always has been; always will be. Just remember, a half effort is as close to the bottom as it is to the top.
Be prepared to ditch mediocrity to make way for excellence. Don’t settle for less, settle for more. Make it happen.
- Kent Healy
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Content Copyright "Cool Stuff" Media, Inc. 2008
Reproduction and distribution is prohibited without permission
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