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Let Go of that Red Hot Coal!
If you had to get to school, work, or practice, but you couldn’t let go of the handle on your home’s front door, would you ever get there? No way! You wouldn’t be going anywhere!
Sadly, there are many people who live life holding onto things that should really be behind them. Sure, some things are much harder to let go of then the handle of your front door, but it’s often those same intense hang ups that offer the most relief and the greatest thrust forward when finally put behind us.
No one’s past is perfect and no one’s character is flawless—it doesn’t have to be. In fact, it’s usually the challenges we face that cause us to become stronger and wiser. But our ability to let go of our silly mistakes and grueling past experiences gives us the opportunity to grab hold of our future. And only from a firm grasp of the present moment can we start shaping a new, more compelling tomorrow.
We cannot fully appreciate today or see new opportunities to create change when we’re living in yesterday. In fact, I don’t think it’s even possible! Would you drive a car only looking in the rearview mirror? No answer needed. Then it wouldn’t make much sense to maneuver through life looking in the rearview mirror either.
If something bad has happened in the past, it doesn’t have to shape our future in a negative way. If we learn from our past it will help us, but if we hold onto the past and live there, it will only hinder our ability to become stronger and wiser. We must let go of negative to make room for the positive.
Somebody once told me that “biography does not have to equal destiny.” In other words, your past does not have to equal your future. Oprah is a perfect example of this. Millions of people would agree that she is both strong and wise. But how did she become the leader she is today? She must have had an exceptional upbringing, right? Not exactly. But one thing is for sure; her childhood definitely left a powerful impression on her.
Despite what you might think initially, Oprah had an extremely challenging childhood. Oprah was born unto two unwed teenagers and at age six her family moved into an inner city ghetto. She then had the horrifying experience of being molested starting at age nine. The years following were also a struggle. She had many things against her but she never looked back in self-pity. Instead, she became clear on what she wanted to change and what she wanted her future life to be like. She let go of what happened to take hold of what was to come. As a result, the awards and accomplishments started to add up.
Oprah now has the highest rated talk show in television history. She reaches millions of people with every show doing what she can to improve the lives of her viewers. What an incredible turn around! And of course, she’s not the only example—there are thousands of individuals who took charge and began to write a new chapter in their lives, but they will all tell you the same thing: Sometimes it takes more courage to let go than to hold on. Instead of dwelling on a broken past, these individuals let go of the pain, distilled the valuable lessons, and became stronger. Oprah once said:
Where this is no struggle, there is no strength. Learn to turn your wounds into wisdom.
While in the midst of a challenge or feeling stuck in a painful past, what you choose to do is purely up to you, but remember, the mind can only focus on one thing at a time. This means you cannot have a positive and constructive mindset when you all you can think about is how you have failed or struggled in the past.
To make sure past negative experiences don’t hold you back, there are five things you can do:
- Decide what you want to change or let go of.
- Get clear as to why you want it to change.
- Know what you will miss out on if you do not change it.
- Find a friend or a personal coach who will help hold you accountable.
- Acknowledge and appreciate your progress—even if they are baby steps.
We cannot possibly get the most out of ourselves when we think that who we were or who we are is the only person we can be. It’s a fact: No one’s past is perfect. Holding on to past hurts and failures is like clenching a red hot coal and refusing to drop it out of your hands. The pain intensifies and the damage continues to worsen. If you really think about it, today is the first day of the rest of your life—keyword being “today.” You may not be able to turn back time, but you can always make a new beginning. It’s your choice.
Much success,
- Kent Healy Next Steps:
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