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It's okay to admit it... "I don't know." "Hey John, what's a spaldivo?" we asked.
"Well," John went on to explain, "it's kind a of a like a hand-painted wooden Russian doll from the Ukraine during the 1870's. In fact, they're worth a lot of money today. I think my grandmother has one."
We were not surprised that John had an answer. John always had an answer. He wanted everybody to think he knew everything. We responded and said, "Are you sure John, because we just made up the word 'spaldivo'?"
John's face turned to a deep shade of pink. He knew that his response was not based on truth at all.
The point was not to embarrass John. He knew exactly what we were getting at. He was also a good friend of ours, so we took a moment to explain to him the power and the effect of three simple words: "I don't know."
Most of us can think of someone who claims to have the answer for everything. And naturally, we come to expect that this person's answers may be as accurate as a crooked arrow. Then we're left to evaluate whether his or her statements are based on the truth or just their need to give an answer.
So why do people respond with an answer that is not really truthful? We believe there are several reasons: Some think that having any answer is better than not giving an answer at all. They hope to get an instant (but short lasting) measure of respect-and by at least saying something, they look and feel smart. Others are just really eager to be helpful.
The drawback to making up answers comes from the fact that each intention is based on seeking an instant result. The trouble surfaces in the long-term results: people won't believe what you say.
Whatever the reason, there are significant problems with this behavior. While you may look educated or helpful short-term, you lose credibility long-term. People will quickly learn that your answers aren't always based on the truth and eventually they will hesitate to believe you.
Most people who know that you extend the truth or make things up won't confront you about it-at least to your face. Instead, they just won't believe anything you say from then on. Unfortunately, it takes only a few instances to develop this reputation and years to change it.
Here's a quote that sums it up really well:
A wise man speaks when he has something to say,
but a fool speaks when he has to say something.
Be thoughtful with your words and speak the truth. Making up an answer may make you look temporarily intelligent, but it will always come back to bite you-hard! Make a conscious effort never to lie or stretch the truth.
It's okay to say, "I don't know" when you don't have an answer. It can open your mind to new answers and perspectives, because you haven't narrowed your focus by giving an answer. The important thing is to let people know that you're being honest with them.
Show others that you don't have all the answers, but you're willing to do a little research or listen to someone who does have the answer. Then of course, make an effort to remember what you hear so the next time you won't have to say, "I don't know." Much success to you,
- Kent Healy Next Steps:
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