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Hecklers From the Sidelines of Life Overcoming negativity A group of frogs were hopping through a beautiful forest when two of them accidentally fell into a dark pit. Horified by what they saw, the other frogs quickly gathered around the pit to take a look at their helpless friends. When they noticed how deep the hole was, they shook their heads and told the two frogs in the pit that they were as good as dead. "Ha! There's no way they're gettin' out of there," they said. In the pit, the two frogs ignored the comments and tried with all of their strength to jump out. Leap after leap they couldn't quite reach the top. Sure enough they eventually got tired and rested for a short while. The other frogs continued telling them that they were "goners" and that no amount of effort will help them. One of frogs, after listening to their comments, lost hope, gave up, and eventually died.
Determined to live and seemingly uneffected by the negativity, the second frog kept thinking about new techniques and trying them out. Eventually, he discovered a way to get out of the hole. Once free, the other frogs said, "I can't believe you made it! Did you not hear us this whole time? Why did you keep trying when the other frog gave up?" He replied, "I'm hard of hearing. I thought that all of you were encouraging me the entire time."
Yes, it's a very cheesy story, but the lesson is powerful. There will always be frogs--or in our case,"people," in your life who twill always tell you why something cannot be done. And the easiest thing to do is listen and believe the negativity. Making the decision to stick with something or give in can be difficult, but I've made one rule for myself that has made the decision-making process much clearer for me. If I feel I am making my full decision based on the negativity of others, then nothing good will come of it. It must be MY decision, not someone else's. With that said, it can be useful to consider other opinions. Why? Because it often urges us to reevaluate our motives and look at our journey from another perspective. But, and that's a big "but," if the feeling of defeat is coming from external influences only, hang in there for little longer and pay close attention to what you're instincts tell you and the feedback you get in terms of results. It helps to get input from others, but the motives behind important descisions should ultimately be based on what you feel is the right thing to do. And true clarity will come from within.
If you're anything like me, you've probably had the unfortunate experience of being yelled at by your parents for not listening or having what they call, "selective hearing." This might come as a shock (and don't interpret this incorrectily) but sometimes selective hearing can be very helpful. When we can selectively tune out unconstructive criticism, we can focus more of our energy on bigger and better things.
"Perfect as planned"? Not very likely. Sometimes we encounter "holes" in the road or unexpected challenges that we must overcome. Of course it's easy to remain positive when things are going well, but the moment we face resistence we're pressured to grow and step out of our comfort zone (which is a healthy thing). I like looking at lit from this perspective: The only people who don't have any problems are lying peacefully six feet underground! This means that changes and challenges are just a part of our daily life ... signs of personal growth.
In his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill says, "If the thing you wish to do is right, and you believe in it, go ahead and do it. Put your dreams across and never mind what 'they' say if you meet with temporary defeat. For 'they' perhaps, do not know that every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent success." In every attempt, a lesson is learned. And if we're learning, we're getting the most out of this journey we call "life." I've set some pretty big goals for myself in the past five years and I've been grateful to achieve most of them; but I can asure you, there was A LOT of doubts and resistance along the way. People were always willing to give me their thoughts about my "crazy" goals and grim chances of success. But something great came from all of this... I recognized a trend and learned a lesson that has become invaluable, so listen closely. I've found that the people who tell you why you'll never be successful are the same people who have never been successful and probably never will be. I believe that is worth reading twice--and perhaps writing down and hanging on your wall. When you truly understand this lesson, encountering negativity doesn't come as a shock anymore. You can prepare for it and then plow right through it. It will also help you to consider the messenger--the person who is giving you the feedback. Sometimes the people telling us to "get real" have no solid grounds for their argument. Hmmm... it's worth thinking about. When you do meet people who discourage you (and it will happen), try to see them as hecklers yelling from the sidelines of life (like those crazy people at sports games). They're not even playing the game--in many cases, they don't even know how to play the game! So why listen to them?
The famous American writer, Mark Twain, sums it up perfectly: "Keep away from those people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always try to do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can be great."
Much success to you,
- Kent Healy Next Steps: - Post a comment in the box below and let me know your thoughts (scroll down)
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