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5 Invaluable Things My Parents Taught Me #1) Be Solution Oriented. Our parents had us utilize our own personal resources by engaging our brains through effective questions. Instead of directly telling us what we should and should not do in the face of daily challenges, they would direct our mode of thinking to one of personal responsibility inferring it was up to us to create a solution.
Some sample questions they often asked us were: - What are you going to do about that?
- What would ____ (name of a person we looked up to) do in this situation?
- How are you going to fix this?
- What would ____ (name of person/people involved) think if you reacted like that?
In short, our parents encouraged us to think for ourselves and develop our own solutions. As a result we did not rely on our parents bail us out of problems; we did not blame others for our problems; and we did not complain about the challenges we faced. We learned that the sooner we took responsibility and took initiative to rectify the situation, the better our life was going to be. Since life is all about our ability to solve problems, this concept is absolutely crucial—and the best time to learn how to make a habit of searching for and creating problems is early childhood.
#2) They gave us boundaries, but not barriers. Our parents had made their expectations very clear and they remained true to their word. There was no confusion about what was acceptable and intolerable. Kyle and I always knew what we could and couldn’t get away with and what the consequences of our behavior would be. We were aware of the things that would be considered “crossing the line,” but our parents were never dictatorial in their approach. Our parents always said, “Don’t do ___ (study/ do your chores/ get a job, etc.) just to please us. Do it for yourself because we will be fine either way.” As a result, we felt very little need to rebel because they gave us enough space to feel like we were in control of our lives. We always felt like we could make our own decisions and ultimately, we would be the ones who had to deal with the consequences—positive or negative. #3) The 90 / 10 rule. As the old adage goes, “It’s not what happens to us that matters, it’s how we react to what happens that makes the ultimate difference.” This lesson was instilled in our mind from a very early age. Our parents never let us forget that life is only 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. “At times life will be challenging,” they’d say, “but it will be very rewarding if you work hard, persist, and maintain a positive attitude.” This helped us realize how the countless choices we make every single day (no matter how big or small they may seem) directly effect our lives. If things do not go our way—which will be inevitable at times—we still have a choice in how we react… and that decision is more important that the event itself. There is no doubt that this simple concept helped us develop the optimism and work ethic necessary to achieve our goals. #4) Anything is possible. From an early age my parents encouraged my brother and I to dream big explore our interests and passions. They never said, “That’s not realistic.” However, there is an important part to this lesson that they were sure to emphasize time and time again... a part that many parents fail to make clear. The full quotation should read, “Anything is possible… if you’re willing to work for it.” We grew up believing that we were capable of doing almost anything we wanted, IF we were willing to make the sacrifices and put in the effort. We knew the journey would not be easy and we knew that nothing was merely entitled to us, but we could achieve great things if we were 100% dedicated to giving our best consistently--even if we didn't feel like it. We could see how our results in school, our career, and personal lives were directly related to how hard we were willing to work. Like my dad always told us, "LUCK is spelled W-O-R-K." This concept also kept us thinking about the “big picture,” our long-term goals, and how to make beneficial decisions. #5) Earn and learn. This has been absolutely crucial. Although we were not overly enthusiastic about having to work/earn the “things” we wanted early in life, the lessons we learned were priceless. We all may understand the concepts of responsibility and gratitude, but the true meaning of each can only come as a result of experience. The one idea that continues to shape my life to this day is that anything worthwhile doesn’t happen by chance—we must “make it happen.” By earning our own bikes, surfboards, etc. we learned how to be more resourceful, creative, and effective. Too many young people are given too much too soon and as a result, they develop a warped sense of reality. This lesson taught us that the world—or anyone else for that matter--does not owe us anything. Incredible amounts of motivation can come from this lesson. Kyle and I both agree that learning this lesson has played an important role in the development of the drive we have today. Much success to you,
- Kent Healy Next Steps: - Post a comment in the box below and let me know your thoughts (scroll down)
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